What are we going to talk about?
Starting a relationship online and then transitioning it into real life is not easy. This is especially relevant if you´re shy or nervous, as you might not know what to say to a potential match
The best strategy to striking up a successful conversation with someone online is to go slow, as you would if you met in the real world. You should present yourself in such a way that the other person doesn´t become overwhelmed or taken by surprise. Your opening message should be interesting enough that the person wants to write back, learn more about you, and open a dialogue. Remember that the other person is also trying to make a good first impression, so you don´t have to be afraid as you´re both in the same boat.
One of the most difficult parts of online dating is the introductory message. It is the tone of this message that will allow a potential partner to notice you and want to continue the conversation. As you are competing with many single people, you will want to be noticed in the crowd. This can be tricky. Men wanting to be clever and innovative occasionally go overboard and enter disrespectful or even scary territory. Women who want to flirt and be nice sometimes don´t express the kind of person they really are and can appear vulgar.
A vital point in creating relationships, both intimate and platonic, is in demonstrating your interest in another individual. You must make it very clear that you are trying to get acquainted with that person on a deeper level.
Especially in relation to online dating, people deal with individuals they have never met before, or with whom they don´t have friends in common. This means that it is very important to get to know the person better and keep in mind that relationships are a two-way street: you get out what you put in.
In this article, we will give you some tips on how to create a good first impression through online messages.
1. Don´t start with "Hey"
We know it's almost irresistible. There is a great temptation to start an introductory message in the most informal way possible, but remember, you still don´t know that person. Would you talk so casually to someone you´ve just met in person? If so, you may want to reconsider your attitude.
If you truly want to get a response from the person you are interested in, a vague greeting is not a good way to guarantee that you get great results. The probability that a "Hey" will work is significantly less than a "Hey, how's it going?", or ?Hey, how are you??.
Try to use thoughtfully chosen information from their profile. The most reliable way to get in touch with someone is to properly read their profile, not just check the photos, and to write with real interest. If you start the conversation by readily showing awareness of what the person has put on their profile, you have already secured a greater chance of getting a response to your message. It´s also valuable to check that your own profile has enough stimulating and interesting information on it for someone else to contact you too.
2. Avoid using physical compliments and shallow remarks straight away
The person you want to talk to may have the most dazzling smile in the world, but pointing out this truth in an initial message will probably go awry. While everyone likes compliments about their looks, to focus too much on physical features expresses superficiality. Messages with words such as "beautiful" and "attractive" often end up being deleted immediately. It´s better to focus on interests and hobbies you have in common to begin with, and then move on to compliments.
With that in mind, avoid "funny" messages that make physically-focused jokes just to be flirty and humorous. There are very few people who can do this effectively. Often, people just end up being offensive. Here are a few examples of this type of message:
- "Happy Mother's Day for a hot mom!";
- "I'm a gold medallist, but I'll make sure you get there first tonight."
- "Did it hurt when you fell from the sky? Because you are an angel!"
Also try to avoid messages where you make presumptions about your relationship. Men often seem to believe that it's acceptable to praise only a woman's appearance, or say that he can´t wait to do intimate things with her. This can easily, however, sound awful and misogynist to a woman. Other people make the mistake of writing messages about wanting children and marriage way too early in the dialogue. Whilst it´s great to discuss your long-term aims, maybe save it for a later conversation.
- "Let's have kids together!"
- "Marry me?"
- "You're the daughter-in-law that my mother wants!"
No one finds talking about these things in the first conversation attractive. Despite this fact, the number of people who believe they can achieve something with this kind of conversation is ridiculous. If you want to receive a response and open a dialogue, don´t do this!
3. Talk about yourself
An important tip for successful online dating is that you should talk about the basics with a person before meeting them in real life. Since knowledge is power, it is crucial that you write messages, especially for the first one, that show information about yourself. Doing this will make your first meeting run a lot more smoothly, as both of you will know what to expect.Don´t just talk about the other person. Make references to your own interests. Give your partner a good idea of who you really are. This is equally as essential as talking about their interests. Use phrases that describe an interest or a hobby. Find out if you have any hobbies in common, so that a conversation where you start to bond can begin to happen. Remember, this first contact isn´t just about seeing whether you like this person enough to start a relationship ? it´s about whether they like you the same way.
Now you've gone through the unpleasant phase of the "first contact" in dating online. You sent the initial message and received a response. Congratulations! Ready to move on? Yes!
But now what?
It can be difficult to chat comfortably to a person you don?t already know, especially if they?´re not sitting in a chair in front of you. You want to be funny, attractive and, at the same time, flirty. It´s good to keep yourself genuine, wise and trustworthy, right? We'll give you some tips on how to do this, to ensure you continue to have an interesting conversation.
4. Above all, be honest
When you are entering the online dating world, you may be tempted to embellish your good qualities a little, or simply lie to make yourself look better or more interesting. Don´t do it!
If you have the slightest intention of taking that first contact further, at some point you two will probably meet in person. What are you going to do when the person finds out that you are nothing you claimed to be? They will surely feel cheated. In addition, it is human, and often attractive, to have imperfections. Embrace your imperfections and accept the imperfections of your partner.
For example, if you are not happy with your weight, say something like: "I may be a bit chubby, but what I don´t have in muscles, I compensate with brains."
Make your imperfections funny and both of you will laugh. That way, the person will become more prone to revealing their imperfections as well. So, when you finally meet face to face, there should be no unpleasant surprises.
5. Be polite
A common saying amongst good people is this: "treat others as you would like to be treated".
Registering for an online dating site can be a very big step for many people. And, despite the lack of physical contact, you should always be aware that there is a real person on the other side of the screen. When you can´t see someone, it is easy to ignore their emotions and feelings.
If you receive a response from someone saying that they are not interested, there is no requirement to send a bad-mannered retort. Likewise, if you don´t receive a response at all, even if you have tried very hard to make a good first impression, resist the urge to send a rude response.
In addition, it is also best to stay away from any type of online communication while you are drunk. There is nothing worse than waking up after a night drinking, to see all the rubbish you wrote online. It's irreversible!
6. Ask questions that keep the conversation interesting. Don´t drop the ball!
This is really one of the most difficult suggestions to follow, precisely because it is very subjective, but it is still useful to keep in mind.
When you meet someone new, sometimes there's a lull in the conversation. In these situations, you might get desperate and start sending stupid messages like "Hi.", "Are you there?" "How are things?" "What are you doing?".
These empty questions can easily be replaced with something more substantial, such as: "What exciting things have been happening with you recently?" or "What do you see yourself doing in five years?".
These sorts of questions can open doors to understanding the expectations of the person about their ambitions and dreams, things that are private but not very personal. In addition to filling the gaps in the conversation with great feelings, talking about these sorts of things gives the impression that the conversation was unique and unforgettable.
7. You must be patient and less self-critical
The online dating environment is not the place for impatient people. It is very easy to go into a compulsive cycle of updating your inbox every thirty seconds to see if there has already been a response. Sometimes you find yourself sending a message to your own inbox just to make sure everything is working correctly. Obviously, we would all love to have an answer to every message within seconds, but it's important to keep in mind that this is not always possible.
The person you´re talking to could be busy. Maybe they´re in the gym, in their workplace, without internet signal or perhaps just sleeping. Resist the urge to send dozens of messages and try to stifle your impatience.
You may be made more nervous because of a mistake you made in one of your messages. Maybe, after you sent it, you noticed that you said something wrong. You may have accidentally sounded arrogant or prejudiced. Some joke you wrote may have sounded amusing when you thought of it, but after reading it again you realize that it wasn´t so funny after all. Don?t worry about little blunders. In fact, it is likely that at some point you will get a message completely wrong! Don´t let the embarrassment of these situations keep you from trying again.
The more you persist, the more relationships you will develop and the easier it will be to get started and move on to casually chatting to someone. That way, there will be an increased chance of meeting someone whom you can spend many years of your life with, or perhaps even the rest of it. Admit your mistakes, apologize and move on. Try not to stress too much over them.
8. Value yourself, and face the online dating world with confidence
Don´t be negative. Starting with the phrase "I´m tired of online dating" makes you look disinterested.
At some point after the initial contact, compliment the photo of the other person. Don´t make jokes about the picture being edited or anything that could be construed as offensive. A person´s ego can be exceptionally fragile!
Asking interesting questions from the start can intrigue intelligent people. This can make them want to find out more about you. They don´t want to you to tell them how fantastic you are, you should be able to show them. You should want them to come to this conclusion on their own.
Also, not so long ago, we lived in a different world. It was typically the man´s job to pay for dinner, take the woman to her door after a date and, strange as it may sound, pick up the phone and call her to arrange the next date!
As we all know, a lot of these customs have changed. Expenses are usually split, meetings tend to be arranged mutually by text message, and the idea of letting someone you've met online know where your front door is may not be the best idea.
9. Remember the pleasant conversations you´ve had in the past
Even if you are the world´s most timid person, at some point you will have had a nice talk with someone. The probability is that these conversations flowed organically from one person to the other, and from one topic to another. There was no nervous thought of, "What do I say now?" or "Do I need to speak now, or after they do?". You and the other person in this conversation were at liberty to enjoy a stress-free chat, instead of being concerned about how to make the dialogue work.
But what exactly made these conversations so unique? Well, they all had something called Conversation Flow. Conversation Flow occurs when the interaction is simple and easy. It´s the way all chats should work.
Occasionally, Conversation Flow seems to occur instantly. You and your partner immediately connect and the dialogue is smooth and pleasant. It´s fantastic when that happens, but what do you do when a conversation doesn´t flow?
This is where the invitation and incentive process comes into play. Invitation and incentive are the key components of a smooth and comfortable conversation.
An invitation is when you say something that clearly allows your partner to know that it is their turn to speak. An incentive is when you say something that makes your partner want to speak spontaneously. Each of these components serve to boost a response from your conversation partner and keep the conversation flowing.
These components create the feeling of the conversation flow. Discover ways to incorporate them into your interactions and you´ll get good Conversation Flow whenever you want.
Starting a conversation with a stranger is not an easy task, but keep in mind that the person is probably as uncomfortable and nervous as you. Keep calm and respect the other person, and everything will work out fine.
- In your opening line, say more than just "Hey". Introduce yourself with more interesting conversation;
- Don'tjust see the person's physique. Compliment their mind and focus on shared hobbies;
- Don´t forget to also talk about yourself;
- Be honest about yourself;
- Don´t lose your good manners;
- Keep the conversation interesting. Ask stimulating questions;
- Be patient;
- Value yourself without being too self-centred. Learn how the modern world works;
- Remember the pleasant conversations you have had and use them as a stimulus to have pleasant conversations in the present.