Main menu

Someone wants to meet me. What now?


Meeting the person you´ve been talking to is one of the most important steps in online dating. This sounds exciting, but many people get nervous about this next step.

The most valuable advice anyone can give you when you embark on this new and exciting phase of your relationship is: be yourself! Don´t miss out on things that are important to you, and keep doing what you were doing before you started dating. Of course, dating someone will inevitably make changes to your life, but the person already likes you for who you are. Have courage and go for it!
It is entirely natural to be anxious about your first date with someone, and many of us overthink things in the lead up to this long-awaited moment. The nervousness and doubts are completely understandable. You´re beginning something new and exciting, and the connection between two individuals who share romantic feelings is magnetic.
You probably have hundreds of thoughts buzzing around your head, but if you're feeling too worried, remember this: your partner is already eager to go on a date with you. They like you the way you are, and you should try to stop worrying. The doubts we often have before a first date can be very foolish. Things like: "what if the restaurant suddenly closes before the date is finished?", "What if I laugh too much at one of their jokes, or don´t laugh enough?", "What if someone near me drowns and I have to go and get help?!" Ok, that last one was a bit too much.
Just try to relax and keep in mind that you are yourself is what your date desires, and it was your personality that drew them to you in the first place.
Take care over your appearance. It may sound unnecessary to say this, but it´s important that you start with the basics. For example: take a shower, check your hair, and check for stains on the clothes you´re going to wear.
The clothing you choose should depend on what you usually wear, and where you are going for the date. Don´t present a totally different person from who you are, but make sure to adhere to the dress code. For example, don´t wear sneakers if you are going to a sophisticated restaurant, and don´t wear a three-piece suit if you?re going to play paintball.
The rules of attraction remain a puzzle to everyone. This is because they don´t exist. In a first date, there is no magic spell to ensure success and make sure of a second date. However, some tricks work. These tricks and tips will be given in this article.
With a little reflection, imagination, and confidence, along with these simple strategies and ideas, you can get along easily on the first date and finish the night with a great plan for the second one.

When should I schedule the first date?

The sooner the better. The first date should be planned shortly after the communication begins.
Every person may have their own reasons to delay the first meeting, but you need to move past your nervousness and make the leap. After all, getting in touch with someone is generally just a precursor to your first encounter. It's not likely that you're hoping to chat with someone and then finish the communication at that point. You probably want to get to know someone and, if things go well, meet them.

Is there a right length for the first date?

It´s usually best to plan to keep the first date short. Make it clear before the date starts that you can only stay there until a certain time..
Most people will either accept this or try to make a joke so they can get more information. This leaves people curious and wondering, "What? Do they have another date after ours?".
Keeping the duration of the first date short is a safety precaution: if your date turns out to be a disappointment, it´s best to have a polite way to end the evening.
If, on the other hand, the date is going well, you can encourage your partner to extend the evening. Your date may remind you of your time constraint: "But I thought you had to be home by 8 pm?. If so, it´s best to tell them the truth. It´s likely that they also had a plan in place for cutting the evening short if it was going badly.
People who are dating online will almost definitely appreciate you accommodating for a bad date, and your decision to stay indicates immediately that you think the date was is going well.

Do you know why you're going on this date?

This question may seem kind of obvious, but it might not actually be that easy to answer. Spend some time making a mental plan before you meet your date. Why do you want to go out with them? What is your goal? Are you ready for a commitment or do you just want to have some fun?
Understanding the answers to these sorts of questions will allow you to get know what you are truly looking for. When your intentions are clear, the date will have some purpose.

Be yourself

Going into a date with the intention of being a "better" version of who you really are can mislead your partner, and will set the wrong tone for future interactions.
Not being true to yourself is a game that can´t be sustained for long, and almost invariably guarantees the unhappiness of both parties. The purpose of dating is to find someone who wants the same as you, and wants it with you. This is only possible starting with your real self.

Try to anticipate the unpredictable

Even if you have exchanged messages or talked on the phone several times, there are chances that you will end up disappointed with your partner once you meet them in person.
Even though you were clicking well when you chatted online, you may recognize that the chemistry you were looking for hasn´t happened. If this occurs, be honest. Bring up how you feel early on, and tell the person that you won´t stay for long. It might help to apologize if necessary.
If you´re honest with them when you don´t feel that connection, keeping cordiality and being as pleasant as possible means that you can still maintain a friendship, even if it doesn´t lead to a romantic relationship. At this point, you can also ask for some truly honest feedback about how your partner thought the date was going, which can help you plan for future dates.

Find somewhere that feels safe for both you and your partner

It's hard to break the ice if you and your crush don´t feel comfortable. The place you meet, what you will do there, the way you dress, and the way you act, can affect how much both of you open up about your feelings and share.
Remember to choose venues with activities that allow you to talk and get to know each other. Watching a show or going to the movies is better for a date a little further down the line, as it doesn?t offer any opportunity to learn anything about the other person.
A great start is to take a walk in a park, browse shops on the street together or, if it's fine for both of you, just go explore the neighbourhood. Walking can make conversation easier, especially when you are exploring things or places that can stimulate conversation.
If your desire is to try to make the first date something more romantic or exciting, it?s up to you, but don´t forget to make sure the other person wants the same thing. You don´t want to create an uncomfortable situation by appearing wearing extremely formal clothes, or exaggerating the romance if your partner just wants to talk over a cup of coffee. There is nothing wrong with trying to plan romantic gestures, but don?t overcomplicate things.
Lastly, you can offer to pay the bill if you want, but don?t force the situation. If your partner wants to split the cost, it?s wise to agree. Refusing to allow your date to pay their way can sometimes seem like a power-play, even if it was meant with the best of intentions.

Be careful not to be overly personal

You don´t need to talk over the deepest and most intimate information about each of you on the first date. Keep the conversation light and fun. Try to maintain eye contact, smile and join in the conversation. These things are attractive and non-intrusive. An assessment of a more profound harmony between you two can wait.
If you do decide to continue to meet each other, there will be plenty of time to delve deeper into your personalities, but you need to ease up and have some fun, or you'll never get to that stage.

Learn about non-verbal communication

If a woman touches a man´s arm mid-conversation, she´s almost certainly interested him. If she touches his leg, she's probably ready for something more intimate later that night. If she leans away, it´s a sign that she?s uncomfortable.
If a man tries to close the distance between him and his date during conversation, perhaps by leaning across the table in a restaurant, it´s a sign that he´s interested. If his voice deepens perceptibly, it could be a sign that he´s ready for a more intimate evening. On the other hand, if a man spends the whole evening checking his phone, or doesn´t seem to want to look straight at his partner, it can indicate that he´s not enjoying the meeting.
If you still don´t know anything about body language, start studying it. It´s useful not only to understand what your date is feeling, but in understanding how you should present yourself if you´re naturally shy or awkward

Ask questions and use compliments appropriately

This may seem obvious, but it is surprising how many people don´t know how to do it. Most people like to talk about their interests, pets, hobbies, as well as their favourite books, movies or series. If you have already started this type of online conversation, continue with the tone of curiosity about the person´s passions. If you show eagerness to know all about the person sitting in front of you, they´ll definitely like it
If at any point during the date you tell your partner how beautiful or handsome they are, they will like it much more than if you didn´t. Be careful not to do this repeatedly, though, as it may give an impression of insincerity and scare them.

Remember that you shouldn´t change who you are

Don´t let any person become the centre of your universe. If you make a person the most important part of your life, they are likely to lose interest in you because they feel suffocated.
Remember that they were attracted by your individuality ? because you have your own interests and passions. They want to become a part of your life, not the centre of it.
Men and women are attracted to self-confident people who know and live the concept of interdependence. Interdependence requires that you be both independent of, and dependent on, each other. This means that you should create a sacred space for your romantic relationship, as well as a sacred space for your work, passions and friends.


  • Schedule the first date as soon as possible. It is important to see the person before creating unrealistic expectations.
  • Plan to keep the first date short in case it goes wrong. If you feel chemistry, you can continue the date.
  • Remember why you are going to this date. Have clear intentions.
  • Don´t be afraid to be yourself.
  • Arrange your date in a safe and enjoyable space for both of you.
  • Don´t ask very personal questions. You will have plenty of time to get to know each other better later.
  • Understand body language. It can say a lot.
  • Be interested and praise the other person occasionally.
  • Don´t put your life on hold because of someone else. You should always be yourself and keep your priorities as they are.


« Questions and Answers