I think that because I started a blog, I decided to talk about things that bother me. I've always thought about relationships, but now I want to put my thoughts into words. I noticed this around me. I have noticed this in my own family (my parents) and I realized this with my friends: most people, just because they are in a relationship, seem to want to imprison the other. Act like they own them. Why?
Most people fall into this pattern of relationship. I call this a prison-love relationship (because I can’t tell the difference between one and the other), but I could also call it an abusive relationship. Because it is an emotional violence, even if people take time to recognize it. Enough time for the damage to last for years.
But what is a prison-love?
Love becomes a prison when it is possessive, domineering, or controlling. When you can’t be naturally who you are. The fear of losing the other ends up becoming a psychic prison, which makes us forget that love is giving, surrender. Humanly, we have the tendency to imprison love, to possess it and limit it, transforming it into the supply of our needs, a reward for our efforts. We treat love as an investment that must obligatorily return us the highest possible profit.
Without realizing it, the person who lives a prison-love is making concessions in the name of a fictitious peace. You want to avoid arguments. And yet, the discussions persist and continue. It seems that nothing the person does is good enough in the eyes of the loved one. And, in a vicious cycle, self-esteem decreases and the only thing that is important is the opinion of that prison-love. The person lives centered on pleasing. Always try not to displease. Because if the loved one gets angry...
I realized that with my parents. My father doesn’t live with us anymore, but I realized this happened for many years with my mother. There was no physical violence, but the violence was there. And maybe because she lived in a small world, my mother couldn’t see a way out. She thought everything was normal. It took a long time later for her to realize that this wasn’t right.
The true meaning of love is...
Love liberates... as long as you don’t imprison it! Love and freedom go together. After all, who can live without love? And who can live without being free? And that's why I decided to give a chance to online dating. I've had disappointments from all sides of my life. I have deep scars inside me, but I want to start over. But I don’t want to do that in the small world where my mother lived. In the world she thought she had no way out. I want to try to meet people from all over the world, to preserve myself, to experience new adventures! Of course, I know there are horrible people even online, but I think this broader view of the world will improve my relationship perspective.
In the meantime, don’t create and don’t participate in a prison-love. Be free and love freely.
And remember: there isn’t a path to happiness. Happiness is the path. Free yourself! Love yourself! Be happy!