Blog menu
Leah's Dating Blog
August 01, 2017

Online Dating

There's no problem in having sex without love

Understand your sexuality and help those involved with you. Sexuality is natural and it’s not good to be repressed. This repression creates incomprehension and conflict. A relationship, whatever it is, is best when it’s free from emotional play. Always be alert and aware of your actions that will follow your adventures in pleasure.
One of the most common situations these days is how easy it is to meet new people. But look as I say this expression again: new people. I didn’t exactly say that these people are interesting or super cool, or that it’s easy to find the love of our lives. But, humans as we are, we don’t give up so easily.
First of all, the idea of mature sex is simple and purely the act of people who don’t cling to the immature attitude that they are having sex with a person. We must never forget that. We can’t forget that we had sex with a human, not with an inflatable doll.
I’m saying that you can have a nice dinner, open a bottle of wine, talk about family and friends, what you expect from the future, about problems, exchange a nice affection and go to bed. I’m saying that lying on someone's chest doesn’t mean marriage, but a good time of intimacy between two people. And also part of the package is the maturity in saying that you had no interest in taking things forward, but without those mysterious disappearances or embarrassing encounters on the street. That doesn’t seem so difficult, right?
But this is not what we do. Most of us disappear and don’t know what to say when we meet that person again. I don’t know why, but we are incapable of saying  "I loved your company that day and it was exactly what I wanted, but that's all”.
And we also can’t extend a good chat without using it as a weapon to soften the other person, like a trick  to treat the person well before having sex with her, you know? Mature sex is much more than this. Mature sex is nothing more than a more permissive, fearless sex, not jumping out of bed at 3 o'clock in the morning because he thinks he'll wake up with a request of marriage. The same goes for the opposite: it’s the sex that can have affection, a great conversation and exchange of experiences, but not exactly what the other wants at that moment.
It’s like we can’t be honest with each other anymore. The guy, to take a girl to bed, have to swear eternal love? You don’t need to do that. But if you REALLY feel that you want to do that, please, by all means, be my guest.
But if that’s not your intentions, don’t do it! What makes you think a girl won’t want to have sex with you if you just want to?

Let's be TOTALLY honest. Sometimes we JUST want to f**k!

Yes, I will appear at your door with a bottle of wine and the dirtiest intentions. That naughty look that eats you with my eyes!
I will not demand anything of you, I will not have sex in exchange for love. This kind of trading is something that will not happen between us. Understand that I also like to have sex and I don’t have to do it necessarily to have something in return, because I enjoy it and I think that having sex with you is great!
I want you without limits, intense, true. You don’t have to say anything to convince me to go to bed with you. You being hot and ready, honestly, is enough. You don’t have to love me to get laid. So spare your words and leave your mouth working in a good oral. Delicate, strong. That makes me crazy.
Hold my hands, let me squirm with pleasure, scream, moan, whisper in your ear how you make me feel.
Now it's my turn... I won’t do the craziest things simply because you did it, but because I like it. Understand one thing once and for all, dear, it's our pleasure. Everything I do to you, you will like it, but be aware that I do it first because I like it, and not to simply please you.
I'm not saying this to make you feel less. But come here and think with me: when you like to do it, to play with the guy, to use your tongue, nails and everything else, the other person feels it. It’s different. I like the taste, the sensation of giving you pleasure and to listen you moan!
Do you really think that if we didn’t like to do it, that it would be good?! Honestly, you don’t even have to call me the next day if you intend to do it for mere education or to maintain an appearance. Things already happened, not for the purpose of etiquette and good manners, but for the sake of sincerity.
Call me if you want, if you need to repeat the dose or if you want to do something different. And it doesn’t bother me to be called names while we have sex. I won’t be offended because of that. We are at the peak of the friction of our bodies, so don’t be shy.
Now, if in the morning I have an insane desire to call me “my love” or “my dear”, be my guest. Call me whatever you want. But call truthfully. Don’t try to win me by calling me beautiful, love, angel… It won’t work.

Don’t use love and affection as an exchange

Using love/sentimentality to get sex is the dirtiest tactic you can use, my friend. Listen to what I'm talking about: we like to have sex too. If that's what you want, get straight to the point. What is the point in creating a feeling that doesn’t exist to achieve something that the other might be willing to give?
If the sex comes loaded with passion and a possible future relationship, that’s great! But if not, only sex is fine by me as well. Leave false promises to politicians.
Men value sex very much in relationships, right? Right! Women are more romantic, more loving and such, right? Wrong! Or at least not always, or not at all.
I already loved and I know this word well. I really liked the sensation to love  and be loved and I hope to love again. But, on the other hand, I already wanted just the sex. I loved to just have sex with the person (the vulgar f**k love). Maybe because we were taught to love and not to just have sex, we think we are in love because we confuse that hot feeling of f**ing with another guy for something else. On the other hand, men usually separate love and sex well. Each one in its proper place – cataloged – no chance of confusion.

Do we even confuse love with sex?

There’s a difference between saying that you had sex/made love with a guy that you f**d him. F**ing and having sex (or making love) is not always something that deserves to be confused. But how much difference there is in all of this?
There are some men who appear out of nowhere, come softly, warm. This man align his body with your and suddenly everything is warm and good and you can only think of one thing: I want him to f**k me! I want to be his! I want to f**k! (Or any synonym for hot sex).
And when he leaves, you miss the smell, the kiss, the body... and think: I want him agaaaaain!!! Better call him then. Who knows? Maybe he answers your message.
You’re thinking of how nice it was when he got you from behind and told a lot of sexy stuff in your ear. When he held you tightly around your waist and pulled you hard (but softly) next to him... wow! Don’t think twice, call him to hear that voice (that was before next to your ear) saying: Hi!
But the problem is that men, in general, think a lot of themselves (does every man think like that?). Every narcissistic sees only what he wants (and what he thinks becomes reality, at least for him). So suddenly a call from a girl that only wants sex (more and more sex) sounds like: do you want to date me?
At that moment that relationship based only on sex becomes (for some) a challenge: How come you don’t want me? And the woman goes to the fight and want to conquer at all cost. Wouldn’t it be simpler to go out and find another guy that satisfies her? No! The desire for conquest speaks louder: I want him for me!
And here we have two sides to a (mis) match: a man with the certainty that he has a crazy woman that is in love with him and a woman just to f**k him (sex without love).

And what about friends with benefits?

Casual sex ends up being linked to the practices of sex between friends: the famous friends with benefits. You can go out looking for partners in dating sites for pleasant and enjoyable moments. One of these guys can become your friend with benefits.
Many women have had, or wish they had, a friend with benefits, that person with whom you can have a casual, unrelated sex, and who helps you relax and try new things in bed. But no matter how much a relationship of this kind is better when you feel nothing for each other, it’s not impossible for you to fall in love with that person.
It can happen to all of us: we start a friends with benefits relationship in a good way, without thinking so much about it, but the feeling is gradually emerging and taking care of our lives. In those moments, it's time to take a step back and think very well about what to do from now on: do you really want to date that person? Is the feeling true? Is it worth risking what you have for it?
In fact, it’s also very common for women to have a friend with benefits in the hope that at some point they will become their boyfriends. And it’s common this sort of situation to end up hurting someone or turning into a traumatic experience. The goal of having a friend with benefits is to maintain a relationship without emotional attachment, totally casual. That’s the good thing about it, and if you enter this type of relationship already waiting for the feelings to evolve and knowing that you will fall in love with him, then it’s a fact that things can get complicated in a short time.

Be sure about what you want

Honestly answering these questions above is essential to knowing what you want. The closeness of you can cause a certain dependence. This is normal. Things can be confused, but it’s something totally different if you, in fact, fall in love with him. It's time to look at your feelings and be sure of what you feel before deciding what to do about it.
Whatever approach you want to take, enjoying all your freedom, what matters always is sincerity in relationships. Casual sex with someone you know on the internet doesn’t become a headache when before the act there’s a direct and sincere conversation about what will happen and the following possibilities. If the guy doesn’t like it, next!
Casual sex with a someone has the advantage of facilitated intimacy, but can lead to an inevitable trap: you can develop feeling for this person. Once again, sincerity plays a special role when that happens, which is to mediate this in the best possible way.
And don’t be afraid to say you just want to f**k! It’s not forbidden and is really good!