Building trust in the relationship doesn’t happen in a snap of fingers. It needs hard work and commitment, but once you have it and work to keep it alive, you will reap the rewards.
Once violated, it’s difficult to repair and rebuild trust, so it must be guarded and guarded constantly. It can be compared to a plant that needs the correct soil, water and temperature to bloom completely. So trust demands the right conditions and environment to sustain a relationship in its ups and downs.
It is paramount to establish a stable bond without recurring arguments and to provide a secure environment for both parties. This works both in the beginning of a relationship, online of offline, where trust building is also important, as in longer-lasting relationships such as a long-term marriage, for example.
Sometimes we forget the truth, and the truth is absolutely simple: there is no one who matches what we’re looking for, instead there is a person who can complete our lives if we like ourselves.
Trust is the only possible link to perpetuate a relationship. It’s in trust that the bonds of union, harmony and serenity are established.
Confidence in virtual dating is required
Just as virtual partners should know how to deal with homesickness by being away from each other, so they should trust each other. When mistrust is high, the misunderstandings begin. It’s not very difficult to find a virtual couple in which one of them distrusts too much, thinks that everything the other says is a lie. Fighting from time to time may even be normal, but depending on the case, it can also lead to the end of the virtual relationship.
Trust should be mutual
It's no use having your love trust you and you don’t trust him. Trust in virtual dating should be mutual, so that everything works out. It’s enough that one of the two is suspicious for the fight to begin.
Why does lack of confidence occur in virtual dating?
There are several reasons for a lack of trust in a relationship. In virtual dating there is usually an aggravating, which is the distance. As usually, those who date through the internet live away from each other and the frequency with which the two meet is not usually great, so many end up thinking that their partner is doing something wrong. There are cases where the other person really does something wrong, even cheats, but it’s something that can occur in the most varied types of relationships. You can’t want to control your partner.
When there’s no trust in a loving relationship, most likely it will fail and come to an end. Due to the large number of betrayals these days, people are no longer relying on their partners and they live a relationship based on doubts, mistrust and, because of this, many fights and discussions occur. Being able to trust the person you are with has never been so difficult and it is very common to know cases of people who don’t trust anyone anymore because of the disappointments they have experienced in their sentimental lives. The problem in itself is not exactly the lack of confidence, but the lack of sentimental structure to be able to trust.
Distrust is quite common in people who have had previous disappointments with people they like, such as a boyfriend, friends and even family members. It’s very common in cases where people think that when something goes wrong it will always be that way. Fear of losing someone you love also often leads to a lack of confidence in virtual dating.
Have said that, in this blog post I won’t focus on the negative and, unfortunately, real aspects about the lack of confidence. In the next few paragraphs I will try to show that it’s rather possible to emotionally bond with a person in a healthy and trusting relationship, even through the internet.
Several tips that work well with conventional relationships apply to long distance relationships, and I will share them with you.
Don’t be a control freak
There are people who control all the steps of their partners in pursuit of clues that lead to a possible mistrust or betrayal in some way. This will only take the loved one away from you and lessen the interest that existed before.
Don’t control your relationship so much and allow yourself to trust what the other tells you, understanding it as true.
When one partner wants to control the other and have the domain, it’s very difficult to have equal ground and establish trust in the relationship.
Be honest with yourself and with the other person
If you're always trying to hide things from your partner, by default or just telling him what you think he wants to hear, you're not only dishonest with your partner, but you're not being true to yourself. Remember that if you’re doing something wrong about which you cannot talk to your partner, the problem is not to hide it, but rather if you can live with it.
Honesty is one of the most important principles for a secure and stable relationship. When you lie to someone, you are not lying only to that person, but to yourself.
So don’t hide something from your partner just to "get away" from a situation, because often the truth one day appears. Your partner will be able to know the truth from others and this will hurt your relationship.
Communicate more with your partner
A relationship is only strengthened when the two people communicate. Talk more about your insecurities, your doubts, your fears, your emotions, your dreams and your joys.
Communication is at the center, an integral part of building support and trust in the relationship. Communication doesn’t involve a single person talking, or a superficial talk about fashion trends and gossip. Communication effectively involves both partners contributing in the conversation and listening when the other speaks.
Tell him what you think about your relationship, your intimacies, what you would like to do differently in the relationship, how you feel. Always listen to your partner carefully. Thus, one will trust the other more in any circumstance.
Learn to apologize when you are wrong
Building trust in the relationship also involves being able to forgive your partner for the pain he may have caused in the past. If you can’t do it and insist on clinging to small problems or dwelling on old issues, your relationship will die of natural causes.
Mistakes are part of any human being, and in a relationship the two can make mistakes, this is inevitable. So always admit your mistakes and know how to apologize.
When you do something wrong and don’t apologize, it gives the other person the feeling that there is still heartache and that you’re not ready to fully give in to the relationship. But always apologize and forgive personally, eye in the eye, being sincere with yourself and with the other person.
If you decide to continue in the relationship despite the pain your partner has inflicted on you in the past and you want to work to rebuild trust, you have to be willing to clean any misunderstandings and start over.
Be careful with self-centeredness
Stop thinking only about your motives, your feelings and your actions. You’re not in a relationship alone.
You need to think about the other person standing next to you. He also needs to share how he feels and why he acts that way, so you can understand what is happening and find a solution to the problems together.
When the focus is only on our needs and ourselves, we tend to do things that don’t help the relationship and can probably cause even more problems. If you have selfish motives, this erodes the trust your partner placed in you and causes loss of faith. This also impairs the growth of the relationship and causes it to stagnate.
Beware of excessive jealousy
Be careful if you suspect everything he says, if you show jealousy every time you two go out together, if he repeats the name of that co-worker you don’t like, if you become insecure with the clothes your partner puts on, among other situations. This won’t increase confidence in your relationship.
Give the other person more space and talk about your insecurities, listening to what he has to say about it, and get rid of those fears that you have for no reason. If he is with you so far, it’s because he loves you and sees in you a person with whom he wants to share his life with.
Think more about the good things than the bad ones
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but remembering only what was bad leads to more mistrust and omission of feelings.
If your partner has never given you reason to doubt him, then don’t doubt him. As they say, a person is innocent until proven otherwise. If you’re always suspicious and doubting his motives, being jealous and making quick (and often wrong) conclusions, it will be very difficult to build trust in your relationship. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated: with love and respect.
Evaluate how your relationship has been and how you are so far and put first all the good things you did together, remembering how important it is to keep that person close to you. This will create more complicity between you and open doors to have other good times together.
Trust you first
Have you heard that phrase "love yourself first and then learn to love the other"? Well, that serves the same way for trust in a relationship. It’s difficult to trust another person if you don’t trust yourself first.
Work more on your self-esteem and love yourself, respect what you are and accept yourself as who you are. If you think something is wrong with you, whether in appearance or inside, change right now.
Self-confidence is not only important in love relationships, but it’s fundamental in any social relationships that one may establish. It’s the "thermometer" of your self-image, of self-knowledge, self-respect and self-acceptance. Self-confidence in a love relationship is important because it empowers the individual to deal with both emotional and practical issues as they move on in the relationship. The self-confident tends to have flexibility in the dialogues and negotiations, firmness of his posture when necessary, capacity of transformation and creativity to think about alternatives when faced with some problem.
All I have said is for traditional relationships and the ones that flourish over the internet
A long distance relationships are extremely similar to the conventional ones. Other than the tips I mentioned above, applicable in both, there are some that are constantly being built as the dynamics of social networks and apps change.
We have at least three inboxes of direct messages from the most used social networks. This is beyond the inbox of your favorite dating services. To what extent privacy can hide unwanted conversations with others from the partner, that typical mistrust coming up again.
When the relationship is established, it’s always good to talk to the partner raising these issues of trust and privacy. As before, good communication is always welcome.
Common sense and individual freedom will dictate the dynamics of dealing with people who, before the present circumstance, can be potential relationships.
Example: perceive the tone of the conversation of other people with you and know how to brave attacks or, if necessary, cut off contact.
Respect yourself first and respect also the person who is by your side. Don’t hide things from him and see that your relationship is above all obstacles. If something bothers you, talk frankly with him before more sadness accumulates up in you.