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Leah's Dating Blog
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October 24, 2017
 

Online Dating

Can you make real friends over the internet?

The interesting thing about social networking and apps is that they make your life easier. In a first personally connection you take chances, because you know absolutely nothing of the person and might be surprised to know negative things about her ideals, tastes and style, but also the surprise might be positive. You have to open up and try it out, or you’ll never know.
There is a lot of talk about the internet, where social networks and relationship websites are inserted, and if they are undermining true friendships and transforming relations into superficial things. There are advocates on both sides, and it really is understandable to why many people don’t believe in friendship via the internet, but there are also some important points to consider about the reality of existing relationships in the virtual world.
Many people can start a friendship by apps, social networks and relationship websites and become really great friends, going out together, having fun and counting with each other in the most difficult times. And there is nothing wrong with that, as this doesn’t mean that friendship is more or less true by having started on the internet. The problem (or not) is when this friendship doesn’t go beyond the barriers of the virtual environment.

Are there true friendships in internet times?

Some philosophers affirm that the version of virtual friendship is inferior to the real ones, and that to believe that these distance friendships will replace the presencial ones is pure illusion. Many of them recommend that you make an effort to get closer to people in person in the places where you go.
Why not start a conversation at a soccer game, at a bar, at a party, at college, a weekend out, a course? Why does it seem so difficult to get close to people? Perhaps the explanation is that many, perhaps the vast majority of people, won’t allow themselves to do this. Many people live so closed that they don’t give a damn about opening up. Even if someone has thought about starting a conversation, depending on the posture of the other person, it soon dies.
People are becoming less sociable and this helps to create a natural separation, which is not at all healthy. This may be due to fear, to preservation of security (the syndrome that everything and everyone is a suspect), to individualism or to thinking that you already have enough friends.
The point is: there is never enough friends, so why limit yourself and close doors to people who could make all the difference in your life? You never know who you can find just around the corner, and it may even be that you find your true best friend or kindred spirit for the wanderings of this world. Therefore, you should always keep an open mind and be available to the people around you, always being helpful and friendly.

Lack of attention to the other

Nowadays, it has become very common for people to pay more attention to their own cellphones and, consequently, the contents contained in them, such as talking on social networks with other people, different subjects, not paying attention to the people around us. That is, our family and friends. Some people end up paying more attention to what's going on in electronics and stop paying attention to the world and the people around them.
This can cause many friends to turn away from you because they feel neglected and of little importance in your presence. It’s important to be able to deal with this difference and to be more open to the moments, leaving the electronic dependencies aside for a good relationship with everyone around us.

Conversations with few meanings

Another negative consequence of technologies in friendships and relationships in general is that we gradually begin to avoid more intimate and meaningful conversations, making these technologies and the content seen in social networks become almost constantly the only subjects we talk about with our friends, or with the few people that we keep in touch with, online or offline.
This can also be a reflection of the time that some people spend in front of these media, consuming their contents. Without seeking new information and/or other means of acquiring this information, people end up being alienated from the content seen on the internet, for example. Of course, this isn’t always negative, given the amount of good content we can find. But unfortunately, in most cases, we find shallow contents and little that add real knowledge, these being the main topics of our conversations.
These and other reasons may discourage the person from investing in a friendship on the internet. Both because of the fear of suffering with the expectations of reciprocity as by the self-criticism itself and the recognition that he also has such attitudes toward others. This is solved by the good and ironically old "live in the present" and by observing in oneself attitudes that can drive away friends, taking care not to repeat them or making it clear to the person that this is a characteristic of yours that may arise and that you are working to improve it. Sincerity is one of the foundations of any true relationship.

True friendships are everywhere

Just as you can find a real friend around the corner, you can also find true friends on the internet. The problem is when you use the virtual world as a tool of approximation exclusively, not just to perpetuate or extend this friendship out of the screen of the computer or the cellphone.
We hear of many cases of friends and even boyfriends who met over the internet though relationship websites like this one. Many people, for example, download relationship apps to find someone for a love relationship, but in the middle of the way they meet many people and can make great, true friendships. At times the chemistry and physical attraction don’t roll as one imagined and the romantic and sexual charm is broken, but the attunement and bonding is so strong to create a friendship this flows easily between you. In this case, why not preserve the friendship?
You shouldn’t close your eyes to these possibilities. As much as you're focused on finding a boyfriend, that doesn’t mean you need to dispense those people who don’t fit that label. Make friends, for they are the ones you most need. Who will help you and put you up at the end of a relationship? Friends. Never underestimate the power that friends have and never think that you have "too many" friends. That doesn’t exist. Obviously you will have a few that you can say that really are true friendships, but this isn’t an impediment to establishing other social connections and new friendships.
To have a long relationship with friends, it’s essential to be friends, nurturing the sense of unity, that is, before having, is necessary to be. Friendship is a very complex feeling that presuppose, among other things, respect, companionship, generosity and solidarity. I see many people complaining to their friends and very few worry about what they are doing to maintain their friendship links. Maturing relationships has to do with accepting the person as he is, maintaining his own individuality.
All practices contrary to the union slowly undermine the relationship, being able to cite for example the selfishness, partiality, arrogance and pretentious attitudes. Any action that shows a lack of respect and that upsets trust puts the friendship in an area of ​​risk. However, whoever expects a friend to always think and act in conformity with himself, doesn’t understand what friendship is, and he’s fatally disillusioned. You must have common sense.
People today face challenges that are obviously different from those of some years ago. Our society undergoes intense transformations and this is reflected in the way individuals relate. Time is short, the difficulties are many, competitiveness prevails and people don’t always engage in more intense ties.
The secret of a lasting friendship is to remain trustworthy and trust, to apologize and forgive; be supportive, impartial and know how to listen to the other with attention, respect and understanding. It seems like a lot, but it really isn’t. It all depends on the willingness to value the other and his role in life itself.

Affinity discovery

Affinity, how to explain it? According to the cold dictionary explanation, it’s a "conjunction, relation, resemblance, conformity". But in the course of life, we discover other definitions as we find such affinities in other people. 
In fact, affinity is a feeling of difficult explanation. Let's try to get somewhere, analyzing the curious things that sometimes happen with us, because with some frequency we find or only know, even without finding, people that wake in us at once a great sympathy. We wonder why. In fact, it’s strange to feel such reactions to people we barely know or sometimes don’t even know anything about.
Undoubtedly, it’s a singular, discreet and independent feeling. The presence can be detected from miles away, but it’s perceived by the way of speaking, writing, walking, breathing... Something without explanation. 
When there is an affinity, the relationship is resumed in the time in which it stopped, because it’s timeless. Friendship can be destroyed by many things, many sorrows, but the affinity resists to all. People feel this feeling because it exists, and they don’t seek explanations. It’s when that thought of sadness comes through a lost friendship, while other losses give us a sense of relief.
Already in social networks this work is spared, since you already know about the tastes of the person through a brief analysis of their profiles, verifying musical tastes, books that they read, movies that they watch, photos, types of publications in the timeline. In short, this says a lot about a person. Apps are even more straightforward, as they often point you to the people who most match and have affinities with you. By putting a profile of yourself on your tastes, it will only correlate people who have common tastes, which makes it even easier to start a chat.

Mass after all, true friendship exists in the internet?

True friendships exist and can arise when you least expect them. You can establish this deeper bond with your acquaintances, by talking to people you have in your network, but with whim you've never talked before. It's only natural that this takes a while to happen, because you have to be interested in what they say and think, and that takes effort, and only if you are really interested. Even gaining confidence is a long way and you must know what to expect and respect each other's space and time.
You must expose what you think, without ever omitting anything, but always respecting the opinion of the other person. The space for democracy and freedom of expression must always exist. It’s also important to always be around and willing to help in difficult situations. True friendships are those that don’t go away when you're in the worst. Good luck!