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Leah's Dating Blog
January 19, 2018

Online Dating

Am I exclusive or a second option?

To love is to never see the other as an option, but as an extension of you. Don’t accept being treated with indifference and don’t take a captive space as merely an option.
In recent years people's lifestyles have changed completely, and what was once a priority was pushed to the foreground. For example, how many friends do you know who are in their 30s and single? Yeah, it's been a while since people at that age were married and had at least one child.
Behavioral changes accompany the evolution of the labor market and the role of women in society. However, it’s no crime to be a modern woman and, at the same time, wish to be in a serious relationship.
The point is that it’s difficult to find men who wish to keep a serious relationship, since they think it’s better to remain single and can have more than one person at the same time, specially through the internet.
Often, we women get into too shallow relationships, either out of missing physical intimacy or hoping that someday everything will change. Even though we notice some signs that we aren’t always a priority in the relationship, we don’t give up, we stay out and we hurt ourselves because of false hope.
It's awful to have to say this, but... In one way or another, you've probably been someone's second choice. You believe that one day, out of nowhere, that person will suddenly put you above all others, and somehow what you live will turn into a perfect relationship.
Often we don’t ask for many things, just a minimum of attention and dedication, and even if that doesn’t exist in the relationship, often the partner makes us feel guilty for accepting this type of situation.
Guess what? Most people have gone through this, and many still go by it and keep trying to find a way out of it. It's not easy, but if you identify with that feeling, you should call the person that is using you and send him to that place. Just get it over with it.
Maybe, when that happens, you'll feel like it's the end of the world, but the worst kind of person is the one who drags you around and then puts you in “the bench”. You’ll never be the priority. Life is not always so cool, and this guy you're dating will always be an idiot.
You won’t want to be around when that person finds his priority.
Okay, I get it. I should value myself more. But how do I realize that a guy is being like this with me? Specially on the internet?
Well, I’ll give you some tips.

He doesn’t ask personal questions

If when you go out or talk on social networks he doesn’t ask about your day or even if you have news, it means that he’s not interested in you as a person.
It may even be that he asks from time to time something, but he doesn’t do it often. Also be aware if when you comment something, he shows little interest.

You see each other without any regularity

A relationship in which the couple can see each other for a whole week and then stay apart for about three months without even talking, demonstrates that there really is no relationship.
Think that if he looks for you only when it's convenient for him, then it’s because he has no other choice. If he really was in love with you, Ihe would want to see you more often.

He doesn’t accept your invitations.

There comes a certain moment in the relationship in which the woman starts to feel more freedom to call her partner out and the way he reacts says a lot about whether he is in love or not.
If he always tells you no and makes up excuses that you know is unfounded, and doesn’t even offer an alternative, it's because he really isn’t in the mood to see you. The person who is in love wants to see the other whenever possible.

He doesn’t look for you on social networks

What leaves many women confused about whether the guy is in love or just being an idiot is the fact that personally he’s very affectionate, but when they’re not together he disappears from the map.
If he doesn’t look for you through social networks, it means he has no subject with you or just doesn’t want to talk.
Start to notice if the last three online conversations you had were you who started the subject. If the answer is yes, make an experiment. Stay without sending a message for a while. If you’re just an alternative he may not send you a message ever again or take months to do it.

But be careful of not being paranoid

Do these little disappointments he gives you are something normal and accepted by you? If they were, you wouldn’t be so desperate reading this article. You wouldn’t remain in this unreasonable agony just because "he didn’t call”.
This is a game for him, people! A conquest technique learned from the devil before he was born! It's called "How to get a woman crazy in three basic steps”. And never a lesson learned before incarnating in this blue orb called planet Earth was so effective, right?
One day of disappearance and your heart already has starts pounding. Two days and you’re already in panic. Three days and you are sure: He was abducted, is in a hospital in a coma or hit his head and is somewhere out of place.
And then two or three days later, he reappears, smiling, talking with you in a soft voice, as if nothing had happened. And you, besides wanting to kill him, you also want to kill yourself, for allowing yourself to stay that way.
Of course, it’s also clear that if these disappearances become constant, as every week, that’s no longer a game.  He’s being disrespectful. Learn to differentiate one thing from the other.
A slight disappearance, with him returning with that face of "Won’t you ask me anything?", you can bet that it’s only a technique to put you on a leash.
When this happens, try to act as if nothing had happened and ask nothing. Just observe the disappointment in his physiognomy or his voice (laughs). And please, for God’s sake, never panic again!

He tells you to go out with other guys

It may seem strange, but there are men who tell their partners to go out with other guys.
Men who do this are trying to give you the message that they don’t want anything serious. From the moment you see other people, he can also see other people. A man who does this will never assume anything serious with you.

He says he’s afraid of commitment

Romantic comedy movies have spread among men the perfect excuse to wrap women up. You just to say they you’re afraid of commitment. In general, an evil ex is cited as a reason for this fear or else is something related to his job.
In any case, in 99.9% of the cases where this "fear" is cited as a reason, it’s just another lame excuse. If he was in love with you, no fear whatsoever in the world would drive him away from you.

He avoids you in social situations

It may happen that you two have some group of friends or acquaintances in common. Nowadays the theory that the world is an egg has never been so sure.
If you have discovered by chance that you know people in common and, since then, he avoids social situations in which he knows you’ll be, or if he meets you by chance, greets you just as someone he knowns, or worse, pretends that he doesn’t know you, is because he’ll never take your relationship serious and he’s not is in love with you.

He never calls you to go out on the weekends

When you are just an option, and neither is the best in his opinion, it’s normal that he doesn’t even call you to go out on the days considered the best of the week, which are Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The days reserved for you two are just the normal days of the week, that is, from Monday to Thursday. Start thinking about this when you go out and if he shows preference for some day to go out.

He never talks about you

Begin to notice if he comments about you with other people, that is, if his friends know who you are.
In case you have realized that no one even dreams that he knows you, or that he introduces you as a "friend", it’s because you’re not important to him.

The things you do together

If he's really in love with you, he'll want to hang out with you for different things, such as going to the movies, at the bar, watching movies under the covers at home, and other things that have a special connection to the idea of ​​couples.
However, if he calls you solely and exclusively to have sex, it’s a sign that he really sees you only as an option of someone with whom to exchange occasional affection.
I know it's hard in many cases, but if you have identified yourself with some of these signs, it might be best to leave that relationship aside.
It is the complicity between you and the act of giving oneself that transforms two people who like each other into a real couple. When this doesn’t happen, it’s only two people being occasionally together and it won’t last.

But what if I want this?

If you also aren’t in the mood to get involved in a relationship and just want to spend some fun time with someone who is caring for you, it's okay for him not to be in love.
It all depends on how you feel about his indifference. If for you it’s not something that hurts you, you can take advantage of it and make it an option as well.