Nobody wants to talk to me! What am I doing wrong?
You´ve signed up for a relationship site and set up your profile, but no one is coming to talk to you or answering your messages. What did you do wrong?
Being careful when filling in your profile and choosing your photos is what really matters here. When you sign up for an online dating site, you should invest a lot of your time and interest in making a good first impression.
Many people don´t know how to behave when it comes to online dating before they begin. This is often because they register on the site in the wrong mindset, which leads them to have impossible expectations. An online dating site is an incredible way to increase the number of potential partners you socialize with, but you need to know what to expect if you want to make it work. If you?re hoping to find love without putting in any effort whatsoever, you´ll be disappointed.
If you already have been using online dating sites for some time, and still haven´t been able to meet someone, chances are something on your profile or in the messages you´re sending is away. It may be because you have chosen the wrong website for your needs, or that you don´t know how to use the website to get what you want from those services.
The rest of this article will provide you with useful tips on some of the most typical mistakes you should avoid. By becoming aware of these mistakes, you can improve the likelihood of finding the perfect person for a happy and lasting relationship.
We´ll start with some general tips
Most people are occasionally dishonest. We tell white lies for a range of different reasons. With online dating, people tend to lie about certain things in their profile or when they are talking to someone. People most frequently lie about their age, height, weight, profession, and marital status. For a successful relationship to begin, this is something which you must avoid. Truthfulness is crucial in any form of dating
Don´t talk to too many people at once
This is a problem with creating a functional personal profile. Generally, if you have created a great profile, you will receive emails from many people who are interested in you. You should, however, avoid interacting with too many people simultaneously.
If you get lots of emails, it is advisable to focus your attention on a limited number of people with whom you think there may be good compatibility. You should not attempt to respond to all emails at once. If you answer everyone, you will end up forgetting the things you said to one or the other person, and neglecting conversations that could lead to something special.
Don´t rush into meeting the person too soon
When it comes to any form of dating, patience is a virtue. As such, don´t be in an enormous hurry to meet up with someone you met online. This is especially true for women, as a way of maintaining their safety.
Make sure you get to know each other initially and meet only when you´re certain the other person is not a threat to you. It´s always advisable to have a video conversation before you meet in person, to make sure they are who they say they are.
When the time comes for you to meet, make sure you choose a public place. Tell a friend where you´re meeting, and that you´ll call them at a designated time once the date is over. That way, if you don´t call when you said you would, someone will know to be concerned.
Choose your profile photo carefully
If you have a bad photo, you should try to take a better one. Your photo is one of the first things a potential match sees, so it should be perfect. I´m not talking just about physical appearance here.
There are several ways to make sure your photos capture your best angle. Think carefully about the lighting in your picture, and make sure to consider what´s going on in the background. If you´re struggling to take a flattering photo of yourself, get a friend to help you. If someone else is taking the picture you´re more able to focus on how you´re posing to get the best result.
Don´t include suggestive photos. Posting sexy and revealing photos may seem like a good way to attract a partner, but it often causes more problems than it brings solutions. These types of photos are particularly prone to scare people looking for a serious relationship, not just a quick adventure. Select photos that make you look happy and friendly, not just attractive and sexy.
Be aware that no photo is worse than a bad photo. Many users on online dating sites won?t interact with someone without any pictures on their profile. People who don´t upload pictures often have something to hide or are part of a scam.
Don´t be vague in your profile
Don´t try to tell your entire life story. Focus instead on what you are looking for in a partner and in a relationship; and what you like to do. Be specific. For example, it is not enough to say that you like to travel and read. Give interesting examples of where you like to go and what you like to read.
Don´t discard certain types of people in your profile. Doing this will make you look like a critical and unpleasant person. Say what you are looking for, and later, you may well refuse people who don?t fit into these criteria, whilst always remaining polite and well-mannered.
Don´t leave your profile empty
Of course, you can have great photos, but that´s not all you need. What else should you offer a potential match? Don´t make the person guess. An empty profile is the only thing worse than a boring profile. People often ignore profiles with almost no text. You may be beautiful, but it is necessary to have some information about your personality and attributes for anyone to contact you.
Be aware that you´ll probably get some denial responses
If a person doesn´t respond when you message, try not to take it personally. The most important thing is to not send a rude message in which you demand some reason for the refusal. Of course, it would be good for the person to send a message turning you down in a pleasant tone rather than no message at all, but they have no obligation to, especially if they feel no connection with you.
But then what to do instead?
Just consider it a lost cause and move on. If you have already talked to them for a while, and they end up disappearing, it is better to leave a polite message than one in anger. They may come back and see the message after being away for a while, and it may still be possible to continue that contact. Maybe they were just tired of flirting or just wanted a break. It may not be personal, but if it is ? move on.
If a person asks questions about you, answer them pleasantly. Some people will first check the pictures of a person when they receive a message, and if they don´t like what they see then their honest opinions surface in the form of rude or sarcastic responses. If you do this, it will only show how childish you are.
It is much better to be pleasant and keep a cordial tone. The real attraction of any person is in what they think, feel and do. When you´re looking for a long-lasting and dedicated relationship, physical appearance shouldn´t be your top priority. A good personality is the most important factor.
Beware of your profile size
The idea here is that your profile should not be too long or too short. You express yourself in different ways, for example, when you write 1,500 words or 100. You need space to talk enough about yourself without detailing your entire life.
Some people will only write half a dozen words in each field, or leave some fields blank. These people look lazy, and as if they have little interest in meeting people or having a relationship
Many people are bombarded with multiple messages on dating sites every day. Reading them all may take much longer than they are willing to invest online. It?s likely that, to save time, they will look at your profile as they read your first message. If they find what you said on your profile boring, predictable, or rude, they might not even bother to answer.
Don´t get your hopes too high for every first date
If you just met someone online through an online dating site, wait at least a week or so before you start suggesting a date. Suggesting you meet up any sooner than this can often scare a potential match away.
Be genuine before and during the first date. Many singles like to know more about other people online first before meeting in person, to avoid disappointment.
Once you´re on the date, be sure to ask questions to keep the conversation flowing. It´s good, however, to stay away from asking a long series of personal questions not connected to each other, as if you were in an interview. Ask questions relating to the information you?ve learned from your date´s profile.
Talk about yourself calmly and in a way to let your partner become familiar with you. Don´t boast of all your achievements, or load all your past troubles onto them.
Even if you do everything perfectly, you will probably have at least one bad date before you meet someone special. Chatting to someone online can be very different from talking to them in real life. If the date does go badly, try not to dwell on it. Everybody´s been there. Learn from your bad dates, and remember, even if the evening is going downhill, it costs nothing to be polite.
Offer great date options and let your partner choose
When planning a date, take the initiative and offer creative ideas. For example, present your date with a choice between the nicest restaurants you know and tell them the reason why you like them. Then let them choose one. If you find that they are not satisfied, then you will know what type of restaurants they like, and this will provide you with a hint of their tastes when it comes to dining out.
If your date is satisfied with the choice you´ve made
When you take someone out, consider giving them unique, fun, and creative suggestions to choose from, if you´rre confident enough to diverge from the traditional dinner date. If you and your partner are both outdoorsy types, consider taking them for a scenic walk or hike. If you´re both up for something more laid back and fun, look at taking them on something like a roller-skating date.
Something like these options can take the seriousness out of a first date that usually just involves dinner and a movie ? which will help to bring you both a lot closer.
Know that not all women are looking for a rich guy or a movie star. Most just want a man who is self-confident and who is aware of what he should offer in a romantic relationship. Similarly, not all men are looking for rich swimsuit models. Most men just want a confident, happy woman who they can share time with as an equal.
If you are superficial, your suitors will be too
Having personal preferences is normal, but if you make it clear that looks are the only thing you´re searching for, most of the people who will chat to you are vain people and idiots.
If you´re a naturally shallow person, try to be subtle about it. That way, you will be able to attract people with the physical attributes that you like without being completely one dimensional
Create a list of what you want in a partner
When people see long lists of things you are not looking for in a partner, they may begin to wonder if you are just a person who requires high maintenance and who is impossible to please.
Instead of listing what you don´t want in your profile, focus on what you do want, and ignore the unwanted messages that populate your inbox.
Be careful not to sexualize your photo gallery
You can have multiple dates this way, but they will probably not be for the right reasons. A good person may care about for physical appearance, but they are more interested in looking for a partner with their ideal personality. By sexualizing your photo gallery, you are stereotyping yourself into a person that just wants a quick adventure, which moves you away from a potentially serious relationship.
If you´re looking to start a romance this way, nothing will stop you, but you need to be able to deal with the consequences of your choices. Your relationship may not work because of the sexism still embedded in our society. I?m not condoning it, but it´s just the way the world works.
Be careful not to display too much negativity
A profile should maintain positivity always. Don´t say you´re fed up with online dating or make any other pessimistic comments. Positive energy attracts positive attention. Negative thoughts will drive away the cool people.
Don´t be vague.
It may seem complicated at first, but talking about specific qualities or interests in your profile can be sexy, and very important for you to meet someone with whom you can create great memories. If you´re too vague in your profile about what you´re looking for in a partner, you can become inundated with messages from people who aren´t suited to you.
Being specific in your profile also helps when it comes to dating someone in real life, as they have an immediate cache of conversation topics to draw upon if there are any awkward silences.
Don´t lie about your age
This is very important! Even if you think it´s just a white lie, claiming you´re younger, or older, than you really are will not help you find a good relationship. If you meet your match in person, they will find out sooner or later that you tried to cheat them, so there´s no point trying.
Be careful not to choose the wrong relationship site
There are so many dating sites out there that it can be difficult to know where to sign up if you are just starting out. It is best to choose the site that suits most your demands.
- Always be honest in your profile.
- Try not to talk to too many people at the same time.
- Don´t ask the person to meet straight away.
- Write about yourself in your profile.
- Don´t create a vague profile. Fill in all the topics with specifics.
- Always be polite.
- Don´t write too much or too little in your profile.
- Have realistic expectations of the first date.
- Talk to your partner about where you will go on your first date.
- Don´t look only for appearances.
- Say what you do want, not what you don´t want.
- Don´t over-sexualize your photos.
- Don´t be negative about online dating.
- Don´t lie about your age.