How to improve self-esteem? There are no magic formulas. The only solution is self-knowledge, we can compare our lives to a messy wardrobe, where it is very difficult to find clean clothes (qualities). So you have to see which clothes need to be washed, which are no longer good (getting rid of sorrows that only weigh and occupy space in our lives) and which ones are new there without ever having been used (potential).
I'm going to talk about a serious matter. These days, talking to different people online, I've been asking myself a lot about who I am and what I want. I think that when we make a big change in our lives, for example, to decide to move on and venture into the world of online dating, it takes a lot of courage and self-knowledge. I say this because you expose yourself, and by doing so, you have more direct contact with your self-esteem. In short, if you don’t love or know yourself, who will?
The question is simple: what is your worth?
If you have difficulty or didn’t know how to respond, don’t be alarmed. It is very common that this happens. Usually it’s much easier to attribute values to others than to ourselves.
But why is that? Self-esteem arises through positive and negative relationships from birth. The more the child feels loved and safe, the more likely he or she will become a confident adult. On the other hand, a child who grows up hearing that she is not wanted, isn’t capable, isn’t intelligent, isn’t pretty and etc., probably will be an insecure adult, resulting in difficulties to choose a profession (I’m not good at anything), to make friends (I'm not cool enough) and to feel loved (I'm not pretty).
Self-esteem can be defined as the way we see ourselves. It expresses how much we respect and love each other, and this is reflected in the situations we put ourselves in and the decisions we make for ourselves.
It is important to say that self-esteem is the internal value that we attribute to ourselves and has no relation to the external (physical) values. After all, if it were that way, only the actresses and models would have a good self-esteem. A woman can feel better by being well-dressed, but that doesn’t mean she has high self-esteem, even because an insecure woman can be extremely vain (fear of being judged by others), while another can leave the house without combing her hair and being overconfident they’re pretty anyway.
For the woman, it is of fundamental importance that she values the way she sees herself. Understanding her limitations, qualities and overcoming obstacles is of paramount importance to the basis of female self-esteem. Creating a positive image about yourself is also fundamental, after all, nobody knows us better than ourselves. To see our real beauty and know how to value our attributes are fundamental to the way we women see each other. Besides, there is nothing sexier than a confident woman.
Self-esteem oscillates according to situations and especially how we feel about each of them. But what makes some people safer, more emotionally stable, while others get lost in despair when something happens?
When a person is well with herself, she realizes this due not by the clothing she is wearing, or the car she is driving, but by the gleam in her gaze, the smile on her face, the peace in her spirit. How can someone who sleeps badly every night feel at peace? As someone who is constantly criticizing herself, blaming herself, if she feels wrong, can she love herself? Loving yourself is a basic condition for raising your self-esteem. It is important to identify the factors that are keeping you from raising your self-esteem.
We can see that our self-esteem is low when we develop some characteristics such as: insecurity, inadequacy, perfectionism, constant doubts, uncertainty of what we do, vague feeling of not being able to accomplish anything, not allowing ourselves to make mistakes and with much need to please others, be approved, recognized for what we do and not always for what we are.
If you have identified some of these traits, you may need to increase your self-awareness to raise your self-esteem.
Developing our self-esteem is a daily exercise that will make us get to know each other, because we will explore our "inner cave" more deeply. Do I need courage? Of course, but much more than that you have to want to get out of this mud pit of victimization, self-pity and bad things in which we stand. It's not easy, my friend. There will be judgment and, crooked looks from the society. But go! What really matters is that you understand and know that appearance doesn’t determine character or ability. You are no different from anyone, so if you want to get out of this pit to be reborn, that starts when you decide it (yes, it's a decision) and work on your self-esteem.
Here are some quick tips for improving self-esteem.
Try to discover your most beautiful side
Have you noticed how we have an angle that we photograph better? With the things that are inside us, it works the same way. Just like a pointed nose, we also have a silly pride, a shyness that leaves us somewhat paralyzed at times. But try to "take a picture" of yourself without these "defects" being evident. Realize the good lessons you have learned, the friendships you have made, the victories you have achieved, however small. Nothing happens by chance, but because you made it possible.
Accept the way you are
You can, and should, change your hair if it is bothering you. The beauty treatments are there for that. It is also possible to improve that mania of wanting your will to be done always or any other craze. But it's nice to know that not everything can be modified and some things can change, but they take time. So focus on what works for you and forget the rest.
Celebrate small victories
Were you able to talk to your mother instead of fighting and still persuaded her to let you out? Were you successful in a very difficult test? Did you apologize to a friend who had hurt you? All of these are signs that you are becoming a better and better person. Say it to yourself whenever something good happens.
Forget the comparisons
It's okay to admire the qualities of other people and want to copy good things. However the path chosen by other person isn’t always the one we will enjoy is what will and makes us happy. So the most important thing is to know what you want. Have the courage to decide your own destiny, basing yourself on your values and your needs. How about looking more into yourself?
Do what you like
Look for activities you consider to be enjoyable: a sport, a guitar course or any other hobbies. When we do something that amuses us and makes us feel lighter, we end up achieving good results, we feel stronger to face bigger challenges.
In addition to these tips, an interesting exercise to do is:
- Write ten things you like about yourself;
- Then write ten things you don’t like about yourself or that you would like to change;
Which list was easier to complete?
Most people find it easier to identify negative things. We have learned that saying what we like about ourselves may be labeled as conceit, snobbery or egocentricity. Not at all! To increase self-awareness you must be aware of who you are, assessing the positives as well as the negatives. Only then you will be able to change what bothers you or makes you suffer and value what you have good and is usually dipped In so many criticism and you end up forgetting.
Continue the exercise
Look at the lists you did. Put an "i" in the internal characteristics. It’s only up to you to recognize them. And an "e" in the external characteristics, which depend on the opinion of other people.
When you used those signs (i or e), what did you notice? Is there a balance between them or do you tend more to one side?
If you have more external features, you will be more vulnerable to the opinion of others and thus, more easily manipulated by others. You will depend more and more on the approval of others, but unfortunately never on your own. That means that whenever something that depends on the outside world or other people doesn’t meet your expectations, you will feel frustrated and your self-esteem will tend to drop.
Did you know that in 80% of the time we are trapped by emotions that we don’t know how to manage? We only react to them, without being aware of the reasons that lead us to act in a certain way. Emotions influence the way we perceive the reality around us.
Without self-knowledge we can end up being controlled by them. This makes us sometimes feel "worldly victims" or "angry with the world" and even "not feeling capable" or "deserving" of anything.
The difference that makes each one master under their emotions is self-knowledge. The human being tends to rely only on those who he knows well.
Without self-knowledge, how can you trust in yourself? How can you believe in your potential? How can you believe you are capable of anything?
Self-knowledge is essential for developing self-love and for strengthening self-esteem. As a person who is constantly criticizing herself, blaming herself, if she feels wrong, can she love herself?
Loving yourself is a basic condition for raising self-esteem. It is important to identify the factors that are hindering you.
Believe me, knowledge and trust are the greatest friends someone can have.
Invest in self-knowledge and open the door to your personal evolution.
To increase self-knowledge, you must be aware of who you are by assessing the positives, as well as the negatives.
This happens when the main source of self-esteem lies in what you do from the outside, always wanting to do something for people in search of approval and recognition. And that's the shortest way to get hurt. So put all your value in the opinions or answers of the external world, and as almost always none of this corresponds to what you expect, nor to what you really are, you allow yourself to depend more and more on how they evaluate you, generating a vicious circle.
The important thing is to develop the capacity to know yourself and be aware of knowing that what you do is the reflection of who you are. When you recognize your negatives, you can change them one by one. And recognizing your strengths you will feel more confident in your ability to achieve whatever you want, regardless of the criticism or opinions you have about yourself, as you will believe you are able to get everything you want!
The encounter with happiness
People who live in fullness are those who know their powers and their talents. Happiness can be found with the balance between inner experiences and experiences with other people. It is necessary to have moments of solitude in order to reflect on life and be focused solely on the inside, that is, seeking to understand your own emotions and feelings.People who take time for themselves usually know how to make the most of their time with other people, share ideas and listen carefully to others. They seek to understand others rather than judge them. And that makes them present in every moment.